A Typical Morning for Russia
by AlyxxTheGreat
Summary: Hey, it's me, Russia! Yeah, it's another typical morning. Just waking up tied to a chair by my little sister Belarus who's wearing a wedding dress. You know, the usual. (Rated T for language and general Belarus creepiness.)


**A/N: I don't even know what this is. Oh, what boredom will bring. Enjoy the randomness that ran through my head at 2 in the morning!**

I woke up with my eyes still closed; the sound of chirping birds ringing in my ears. I raised my arms to stretch- no. Something wasn't right. _No, no, not again, SHIT_- I opened my eyes and realized I was tied to a chair by my hands and feet in my living room. I was still wearing the boxers I slept in, but someone had placed a black bow tie around my neck, and a white flower was Scotch-taped to my chest. I could hear the footsteps of the culprit of such madness, slowly nearing me. The sound was agonizing.

"Big brother Russia, I am so glad to see you've finally woken up," crooned my little sister Belarus from down the hall. _Shit shit shitshitshitSHIT_, I thought .

"Belarus, what do you want with me so early in the morning?" I asked, trying to be as kind as possible.

"You know what I want, big brother. I want to become one with you. You will marry me, brother Russia," Belarus chuckled. As she stepped into view, my stomach sank to my feet as I realized what she was wearing. A white wedding gown, with a lacy veil covering her face. _SHIT._

She walked over to my chair in a painfully slow manner, humming the Wedding March. My palms began to sweat as I futilely struggled against the bonds on my wrists.

"There is no need to struggle so, brother. I will set you free once you sign the contract declaring our marriage." I looked at the paper in her hands. Her name was already scrawled at the bottom in large, flowery letters.

"But, sister, how can I sign it if my hands are tied?" I asked nervously. I closed my eyes and tried to send telepathic messages to someone, anyone- to come rescue me. _America! Japan! Germany! Won't anyone help me?! Ukraine? _Needless to say, my efforts were wasted.

"Big brother, you can hold the pen in your mouth," Belarus singsonged, pressing a ballpoint pen between my lips.

"But-mmf!" She pushed the pen further in my mouth.

"SIGN THE GODDAMN CONTRACT, RUSSIA!" she growled, glaring me with an intensity that could melt glass. I whimpered and clutched the pen tighter between my teeth and raised my head to the paper. Luckily, I was interrupted when someone knocked frantically at the door, hopefully to rescue me. Unfortunately, I had no such luck.

"Oh, I heard there might be a wedding! Such a beautiful thing, marriage! I think I may just cry!" gushed France, decked out in a tuxedo.

"France! Thank God someone's come to save me!" I gasped, spitting out the pen.

"Save—oh, no, of course not! I came to witness a wedding!" he replied with a warm smile, proceeding to sit in a nearby armchair.

"Don't you see how wrong this- mmf!" Belarus shoved the pen back in my mouth.

"Sign," she whispered, so close it gave me goosebumps. I obediently attempted to move the pen with my lips, forming the word RUSSIA in shaky lettering.

"Now we are one, brother!" cackled Belarus with a creepy grin. She leaned towards me and brushed the veil from her face to give me a sloppy kiss on the mouth. I spat on the ground as France applauded and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. _This can't be real_, I hoped. _It can't have happened for real this time. _

There must really be a God out there, because just at that moment, someone else burst through the door. It was America and England dressed as police officers, handcuffs in tow.

"You're under arrest for kidnap and forced marriage!" blurted America, pointing a finger at Belarus, who glowered murderously at the two. England grabbed her by the wrists and forced her into the handcuffs. Her wrists were almost small enough to slip out, but not quite, much to her dismay (and my joy.)

"These stupid Englishmen are getting in the way of our love, brother," mumbled Belarus. I shuddered, and thanked America profusely as he untied me from the chair. France made his way out the door, obviously disappointed at having witnessed a failed marriage attempt. England practically dragged Belarus away, closely followed by America. I watched as my sister was ushered into a police car. She clawed pitifully at the window as the car drove away, giving me her worst death stare.

I sighed and closed the door. Yep, just a typical morning for the wonderful Russia.


End file.
